How Compromising Yourself Lowers your Resilience

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The best thing about sharing my story with an audience is meeting them afterwards and listening to their stories. Considering that I’m the one who was booked to do the talking, I always learn so much from them. 

A listener shared their experience after I’d been speaking about times in my life when I felt compromised and the effect it had on my resilience. In comparison, mine was minor. He had been employed to intentionally mis-sell. He kept looking nervously over his shoulder as he confided about the whole culture of a company that instructed him to train his team to do the same. Yep, he was employed to train his team to mis-sell. The company application forms had even been designed so that the exorbitant annual percentage rate figure could be hidden with a thumb as the form was displayed for the client to sign.

We are all faced with times when our values are conflicted. Sometimes we’re more aware of our being compromised than others. We can be too deep into the deception to appreciate the problem, or unaware that something crept up on us or as we’re surrounded by people who are doing the same. We may even tell ourselves that it must be ok, because the bills must be paid, right? 

At the same time, something doesn’t feel right. Usually we are unsure why things feel “off.” It may be too difficult to consider. For me, it would be come physical with nausea, aches, pains and my loved ones suffering from my short fuse.

So how do you Un-Compromise Yourself?

The first step is becoming aware of what’s going on. Don’t be surprised if you become shocked and feel somewhat obsessed with the situation. As more and more realisations appear, more and more begins to go ‘round in your head.

You will probably want to find a place for the blame. Someone else caused you to do this. How could they have done this to you?  How could they treat you this way? Sometimes you’re really angry with them, sometimes you’re really angry with yourself for getting into this mess.

Once the initial reaction has subsided, it’s time to fully acknowledge the situation. If you’re too confused or unsure of your feelings to trust and confide in another, take a piece of paper and start writing. I cannot overstate how useful writing down your thoughts can be. As each point hits the paper, it stops swimming around in your head and loses both power and momentum. Let this be a relief and an outlet. 

Once you’ve acknowledged just how deep you’re in, push yourself to find some positives about the situation. If you’re struggling to do this, then have a think about the moments when you get your best ideas. Is it in the shower? Walking the dog? Travelling? Go to that place or do that activity and discover what ideas come. It may be a struggle sometimes. Our brains are wired to wax lyrical as to how we’ve been victimised and it’s almost impossible to even consider the possibility of any benefits of a seemingly hopeless situation. 

Focus on those positives and keep them very close. When you’re tempted to succumb to the hopelessness of the situation getting lost in a downward spiral, stick the list on the fridge and go back to it regularly. This is about focusing on what you want more of. Finding the positives is key to finding your way out of the compromising situation and help ensure you can avoid others like it in the future. 

I remember leaving a client after a particularly disastrous day. Feeling completely miserable about the seemingly endless journey back home, when rounding a corner the view across the horizon in the middle of nowhere was incredibly striking. Breathtaking, actually. The day became about stopping to take in the view rather than the failure of the not-so-successful client meeting. 

It isn’t easy to un-compromise yourself, but it is possible. Finding the positives in the situation, writing down your feelings about the situation can all help in the path to ridding yourself of the problem. After all, when you don’t feel as though your values, morals and goals in life have been compromised, doesn’t that let you be You on a Good Day, Every Day? 

Share your stories of resilience with me on Facebook and Twitter: 

I look forward to hearing from you! 

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